If you know me well, you know I am an empath. I take on your problems, make them my own, and lug around your baggage. Vicarious trauma is my middle name. I need loads of self-care, unlimited "me" time, a good cry from "This is Us", and Ellen DeGeneres to recover.
I want to find love, a healthy love, a realistic love, and an everlasting love. I feel I am finally at a place where I am ready to give and receive love and not need to hide parts of my personality or identity out of embarrassment or fear. I am awkward. I am goofy. I am smart. I am inappropriate at times. And yes, I am going to order champagne.
I have been dating myself. Yes, re-read that.
And I want to share with you how this relationship is going... #WCW
A terrible first date
I took myself out drinking for a first date. Bad idea. I got to my brother's birthday dinner 90 minutes early to have ONE drink and unwind. One drink led to three drinks before everyone arrived. Wave the red flag! My dad drove me home and I threw up all over the driveway. This was a really bad first date as family joined and I was drunk by 6:30 PM. I was in bed by 8 PM. The dog came to take care of me. But I was actually in her bed, on the floor, until my alarm went off for work. This was a bad first date. I deserved better. I needed to treat myself better.
I am a cheap date
I take myself out to breakfast - $5.64, great deal. I leave very early for work once a week and grab a side of scrambled eggs and a hot coconut coffee. I take time to set intentions, find memes to make me laugh, and remind myself I am a badass woman. I make sure I reach out to friends near and far to let them know I am thinking of them, creating space for their stories and enough time for life banter.
I practice mindful eating
I treat myself to lunch. I put my phone on airplane mode and observe what is around me. I eat slowly and intentionally. I process what I am tasting: flavors, spices, colors. I try to take in as much of the beautiful weather as possible. And I practice gratitude: grateful for the food in front of me and great company (me!).
I had to remind myself what matters
If you live by a beach and don't enjoy it, I need you to reevaluate what is going on. I take myself on beach walks. Sometimes I listen to music. Sometimes I just have headphones in. Moving and reflecting help me process (and sometimes talk to myself) about what matters. I love exercise and health. Wellness matters. My relationship with my family matters. My education matters. Taking care of myself and loving myself matters. I am my longest commitment. What matters to you?
You ever go on a date with someone and fear if you order a higher priced item you may owe that person something? "If I get this lobster tail, your clothes will stay on and you will ask for consent when we hug at the end of the night" - What runs through my mind. Well, when you date yourself, you splurge. I am going for the garlic jumbo shrimp and if I am feeling crazy, I may get an appetizer, and eat all of it! If I want someone else to treat me well, I need to treat myself well. And I need to create and allow for the space to accept something of higher value, higher quality, and something that is deserved.
I affirm I am guac
Baby girl, salsa is free. I am guacamole. Literally and figuratively. We have endless access to salsa, but guacamole is a privilege. You are not expected to be accessible to everyone and everything. As you date yourself, know what you bring to the table. Are you expected to be free salsa or are you custom table-side guacamole? Are you bringing your best self out with you?
If you are single, engaged, married, or have kids, don't forget to take yourself out, even if it is for a cup of coffee. With daily demands and distractions, we forget what it is like to be with ourselves. Choosing what we like and savoring the flavors through mindful eating.
Challenge: Allocate one hour to date yourself this week. Create the mindset, the feel, the love around what it will be like to celebrate you with you. Set a time you will leave. Unplug. Just be with you.
Sipping witch's brew from Heavenly Donuts. Cheers!